He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
