I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
