I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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