Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
