So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
