i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
