are you still at the devil's house?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
