I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I am puke
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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