A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
