You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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