1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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