So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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