Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
