I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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