who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
