Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
