don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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