Define "chronic" masturbator.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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