I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize