i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
