i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
