Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
