that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
people are starting to question the shark bite story
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
