I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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