So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
