Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
