i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
