Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
