with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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