im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
