Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
