Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize