Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
