You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
