you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Congratulations! We have a period
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
