It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You don't make any sense
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