We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
