Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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