The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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