I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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