All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
