I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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