i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
