you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
