Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
