Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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