I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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