he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
