This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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