shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
