Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
