my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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