I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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