We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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