and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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