this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
