you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
