You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
