so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
