Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
