i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
