hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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