she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I want to have your abortion
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
