My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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