i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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