my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize