did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
