My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
