my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
