More tranny stories later!
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
what is it with giant penises always finding me
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Randomize