eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
