Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
No stitches, just platelets and will power
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Randomize