Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
