Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
