Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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