she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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