I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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