the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize