You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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