Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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