can u get pink eye on your cock?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize