It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
