dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You're breaking my sexual little heart
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
