I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
