New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
send nudes
from the living room?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
