and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
