the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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