Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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