Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
