Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize