I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
