i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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