no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
