Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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