and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
