so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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