I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
