Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
