I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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