i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Mom said you looked used
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
